Scars

I remember as a child, I was so proud of any scars or tell tale signs of an injury from any of my outdoor or sporting activities. One summer our TV was broken, and my family spent a lot of free time in the evenings walking the one lane gravel road leading to our house. Some evenings, my brother and I would take our bikes out, ride them as far as our little legs would take us up the giant hill leading away from the house, and then race down to the bottom and into our driveway. The hill itself had thicker, heavier rocks coating its surface, so the goal was to gradually build up enough speed without wiping out so when you got to the straightaway at the bottom where there was nothing but very fine gravel, you had enough speed to sprint to victory. One hazy summer evening, we were racing, and we were both flying down the hill when Aaron swerved towards me, causing me to wreck. He claims I just lost control, but let's not worry about details here.. .the point is I wiped out in the pea-size gravel in the straight away (and I was going to win had I not wrecked). A few weeks later Mom discovered a knot on my arm about the size of a gravel.. .a rock had healed into my arm. A surprise trip to the doctor removed the gravel and gave me my first stitch. Yes, one single, solitary stitch, and once my wounded pride recovered, I was so incredibly proud of my injury. Now, twenty (ish) years later, I still have a tiny "x" on my left arm where that stitch was. I am still proud of that little reminder of how tough I was. Fast forward fifteen (ish) years, and Philip and I are out on our bikes in downtown Knoxville when I wipe out again (this time the sidewalk jumped up and grabbed my tire..). I now have a scar on my right knee from getting banged up in that crash. Again, I take a little pride in having a battle scar.

I say all of this because sweet Addie already has so many scars. She has a scar on her back from her PDA ligation. She has scars on her heels from her heel sticks to test her O2 and CO2 levels the first couple of months of her life. Her sweet hands are bruised from IV's, and her precious head is shaved on places for her ventricular taps. Some of those scars will fade. Certainly her hair will regrow where it's been shaved, and the bruising from her IV's will fade. Scars aren't a bad thing. They remind us of where we've been and what we've survived. Certainly my bicycling scars pale in comparison to my c-section scar, and they all fade compared to what Addie has gone through. Scars are the evidence of pain, and a reminder that there is healing. Thankfully Addie won't remember the painful experiences of her 1st year, but we will be able to tell her with pride how she got the telltale scars that she earned by being incredibly strong in spite of her size. I pray they will encourage her to face any fears or obsticles as she grows up.

Addie has had another incredibly scary week since being diagnosed with NEC last Wednesday night. Necrotizing Entercolitis is somewhat mysterious and is generally confined to effecting the smallest of premature babies. It can be devastating. I've seen that on the faces of her doctors and nurses this week as they've discussed her latest challenge. I've read enough to be terrified. This bacterial infection basicly kills sections of your intestines.. it can eat through the intestinal wall causing a perforation that would allow excrement to enter the body cavity, requiring immediate, emergency surgery to clean up the mess and to remove and repair the affected area. One in 10 babies with NEC wind up in surgery. Even if surgery isn't required to repair a perforation, there can be long term affects felt by the little one. Problems with nutrient absorbtion, strictures requiring surgery, among others, can leave Addie feeling the results of her NEC for years to come. We continue to pray this isn't the case for her. She continues to have ugly bile removed from her stomach - it varies from the color of Coke to tar-like color and consistency. We're looking for it to go clear. Her stomach is softer and a little smaller, both are good signs. The doctors are hoping the worst is past, but we refuse to let our guard down.

She has another tap tomorrow morning at 730. We continue to pray for healing and relief from the fluid build up in her head. As she grows we get closer to the day we have to decide whether or not to have a shunt placed. We are thankful that is an option, but there are so many risks associated with the surgery, post op infection, and long term infection risks or failure of the shunt that we are praying fervently that God chooses to reach down and heal her before a surgery becomes necessary.

Last but certainly not least, Addie's eye exam today showed no change! So, we have another week down and no eye surgery required.. just a few more weeks and we should be in the clear.

We are so thankful for the miracles God has already worked for our little angel; no way she could have overcome so much without His hand on her life. We continue to pray for and expect miracles.. Addie is living proof that they can happen, and her scars will always remind us of how He saved her time and again.