Deja Vu

What a night. ..not only were the storms terrible here around 8 pm, we were also on our way to East TN Children's Hospital's ER. Addie has been a little more fussy than usual, acting uncomfortable in ways not related to her stomach, and her soft spot has been feeling incredibly full this evening. It all added up to a not so quick trip to the ER.

The fun thing about coming in with a shunt malfunction is that you don't have to wait in the ER waiting room. You get bumped to the front of the line. That's great for the germaphobe in me, but it doesn't speak well to the seriousness of the problem. If you get bumped to the front of the line, you potentially have something very serious going on. That was further affirmed by the looks of concern, "Mmm Hmmm's" and "Oh yes, I see what you are talking about. Oh my" when they felt Addie's head. After a quick CT Scan, we went to wait for what was not such a quick time. Addie was such a trooper, even in her hyper-fussy state. The nurses and doctor's were fantastic, and some dear friends from the NICU came down for a visit. All in all, not a bad experience. The doctor came in to talk to us, and it turns out that the tip of Addie's shunt isn't in the right place to drain the fluid off of her brain. So, we officially have our first shunt malfunction. I'm sure it won't be our last. We've been admitted to the PICU for monitoring, and we are hoping she can stay stable through Monday until the surgeon who placed this shunt is back on the schedule and can do the revision.

We have a "lovely" room in the PICU. Addie is in such a big crib!! Since she is back on monitors, she gets to have a nest to sleep in again, and she is loving it! She would not go to sleep until we had her settled into her room, about 2 am. The doctors and nurses we have met have been great! I have to say it is a little (lot!) unsettling to be admitted to the hospital and not have the doctors, nurses, nurse practitioners, and respiratory staff we had come to know and love in the NICU. ..but I know we are in good hands.

We decided that I would come home and sleep tonight and stay with Addie tomorrow and tomorrow night - I'm obviously doing a GREAT job of sleeping right now at 4:23 am. So, walking to the B Elevators, through the main lobby / entrance, and to my car in it's old usual spot brought on more than a little deja vu. It honestly felt like I had never left. But I guess we did spend 5.5 months there, and we haven't been home quite 4 months at this point. It almost feels like being home was a dream. Now, I'm back at the house, alone, surrounded by Addie's toys, Bumbo seat, Boppey, blankets, and bouncey seat.. .I will go to bed and lay down next to her crib on my side of the bed. I had to turn off the light in her room that we always have on at night for late night diaper changes. ..I can't believe I'm spending another night away from her. I can't believe I left without her again. I'm determined not to cry, and I'm not even feeling sorry for myself, really. ..it's just very disorienting. Nothing has changed, everything is here, but she's not. I miss my angel. I know she is in good hands with the doctors and nurses and Philip, and I know I need to rest. But I hate being home at night without her again.

Please keep her in your prayers. It's just not fair that this has to happen to her, but then, life isn't fair. Please pray for strength for her, that there will be no infection as a result of the surgery, for VERY skilled surgeon's hands, a brilliant anesthesiologist, and a quick recovery. She's been doing so, so well! Please pray this doesn't set her back too far.