Discipline Yourself

This post is in honor of my 4th grade teacher, middle school basketball coach and first tennis instructor, Mrs. (Gail) Ingram. Long before I even dreamed of middle school and moving into the heart of my ugly duckling phase (think THICK, large glasses, attempting to grow out my bangs, terrible front teeth 3 years before I got braces, third grader.. In the 80's..), I met Mrs. Ingram. She handled intramural basketball at my school, and that is my earliest memory of running laps. I'm sure I wouldn't have called it fun then, but now a couple of decades removed from it, I seem to recall it being fun. My gawky legs were pretty fast, and I remember feeling like I was flying as I passed the other kids. As we ran, we memorized Bible verse excerpts / paraphrases. The first one every year of intramurals and later on the middle school team was I Timothy 4:7 - Discipline yourself!! Little did she know but she was preparing me for the greatest, most meaningful challenge of my life, Addie's birth and homecoming a couple of decades later.

There are so many moments each day that I struggle. "What does it hurt if we don't stretch as much as we should.. It's not like I see a difference each day??" "Ugh.. Let's skip oral feeds today.. I don't have the time or energy to deal with it." "Tummy time.. We can just do it tomorrow.. I'm tired." "Patch, smatch.. Let's give ourselves a bonus patch free hour today. It's not like I can tell its making a difference" and on and on daily battles that go on in my head. I never (ok, rarely) give in and adamantly refuse to compromise on stretches and patching, but it's a battle not to give in to the voice in my head somedays when work calls pour in, Addie is cranky, and I need another cup (pot) of coffee just to function. You don't see daily, major improvements in our world. You just don't. I need positive feedback to push myself harder.. But I don't get that often with these things. Improvements come suddenly and in a flurry and then we're back in a stagnant lull for weeks or months. During those times when I want to give up, even just for an afternoon, I hear Mrs. Ingram pushing us to run harder and faster.. "Discipline Yourself!" Thank you, Mrs. Ingram.. You've helped me through some of the toughest make or break moments of my life.

There are rewards for our hardwork . A couple of weekends ago I stood and watched Addie sit and play in her crib. On her own. For at least 15 minutes. Did I mention she was sitting? And playing with toys? On her own? And she was smiling and having fun? While wearing her patch and hearing aids??? She actually would play with a toy, set it down throw it down, and reach for another! If you've not lived in shoes similar to ours, this must seem so very insignificant. In my world, I couldn't decide if I was going to stand and watch with the biggest, googliest, pride filled smile or sit down and sob happy tears.. Since I hate crying and do far too much of it these days anyway, I opted to gawk at her and take pictures. It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life to date. That moment was the culmination of hours of stretching and screaming, months of practicing reaching for toys, and days upon days of patient coaxing, placing toys in her hands, and allowing her to warm up to them. I am SO proud of her!!!!!!!

So, on days when I want to quit or wonder why these "little" things matter, I'm going to come back to this blog so I can remember that they are all actually a very big deal. Discipline yourself.. It really does make a difference!!