"Bye-Bye Baby"

It's so appropriate that Addie's first two word phrase is "Bye-bye, Baby". ..my baby is gone and a little girl is in her place now. I know, I know. ..it happens. We've worked hard for it to happen, but, even still, I'm surprised when Addie is doing little girl things these days. It's been an exciting few weeks for us where Addie is concerned. It seems like the closer we get to her second birthday, the more developmental steps (literally and figuratively!) she is taking. 

Each day she is becoming more and more confident in her walking skills. She sprinkles in a great mixture of walking, cruising and crawling these days. She can easily walk holding one adult's hand now, and she is taking more and more independent steps. The trouble with her independent steps is that she gets so excited that she goes too fast and falls. ..it's hysterical because she giggles with each step and sticks her tongue out a la Michael Jordan in '80's and 90's. She is so close! If she's not doing it by her second birthday, it won't be much longer before she is walking and running in circles. This is all huge for us, but then everything is huge. 

I think my favorite part of this is that now that she is more confident, she will grab my hand while we're playing and lead me to another room to play another game. I kid you not; I melt every single time she grabs my hand and starts tugging. I didn't even know this was a step or a phase or a possibility, but I love that she knows where she wants to go and that she wants to take me with her. I love the independent thought coming from my child who has always been perfectly content with whatever you put in front of her and wherever you placed her. Those days are gone, my friends, and, as exhausting as I'm sure it may become, I will always smile when she grabs my hand and leads me off in a new direction. There is nothing like the perspective gained when you're faced with so many of the worst case outcomes we've been presented with over the course of the last 2 years. 

Exploring with Daddy

More often than not, Addie leads me to our master bedroom where the carpet is nice and soft. As the person who spends half the day crawling around with her, I can appreciate why she wants to go in there to play! She will walk, holding my one hand (instead of both hands!!) to where the hardwood floor meets the carpet and then fling herself down into a crawl and take off. No more fear of falling for this girl! She has more and more control over her body and her actions, and it shows. She prefers to walk is going short distances, but when she's in a hurry, crawling is still the go-to method of transportation. Either way, I'm loving her newfound independence! I am excited to say that I've discovered that I do, in fact, still have two hands!! I've done everything one handed for so long that I had forgotten how luxurious it is to do even simple things with not one but two hands free! Need to start a load of laundry, how much easier is it to pour the detergent and put the clothes in with two hands?! Need to draw up Addie's medicine, well, it's much easier with two hands while she's busy cruising around the kitchen! I'm telling you. ..it's the simple, beautiful things in life, people.

Addie's eating is taking off these days, as well. Granted, by taking off, I mean that she will put whole Puffs in her mouth before spitting them back out, and she is slowing starting to figure out a rotary chew (i.e. chews while moving the food around in her mouth which makes swallowing and eating much easier). She actually had me in tears the other night when she was putting handfuls of Puffs in her mouth, even swallowing bits of them while also putting in small bits of noodles with the other fist and actually swallowing some, if not most, of the noodles. She just looked like any other kid eating dinner. It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. She even chewed up teeny, tiny bits of Peanut M&M shell (no peanuts were consumed, no worries), swallowed and the whole bit! She didn't actually eat enough to count even as a snack calorie-wise but the simple fact that she was trying to eat, willing to taste a variety of foods, and putting whole items in her mouth is such a huge thing. A year ago I wouldn't have even thought it was possible. I honestly couldn't even image what her eating would have looked like at that point. We have miles and miles and miles to go with eating, but when you look at how far we have come, I am absolutely amazed. In our journey, you can't look at how far you have to go, ever. You just focus on next steps and look at how far you have come. We've come a long, long way. ..who cares how far we have to go! Addie has proven time and again that she can and will do everything she needs to do in life; it's just going to be in her time, not ours. 

Her speaking is still spotty. We can work for weeks on a word and finally get it, or she can learn her first two word phrase in just a day or two. Our friend Sarah came over with her new (just 4 weeks old and precious!) baby last week, and Addie was enthralled with her. She wasn't upset about her, but she was curious. She finally worked up the courage to touch her little feet, and as soon as she did, she recoiled her hand and looked up at me with the biggest smile of awe on her face. She worked up to patting baby's back and then she was officially obsessed and wanted to touch her constantly. ..it became a problem, really, since I'm not sure that she understands "be gentle with baby" means be gentle always with baby. Since Addie frequently will go from gentle touches on my cheek to a wallop on the forehead, I just didn't want to risk that sweet baby face. Regardless, she was so obsessed that she learned how to say "Bye-bye, Baby" in just a day or so. I didn't realize she had figured it out until she started repeating it constantly, almost like a chant, when my mom came up to visit later that week. Now she says it all the time, and it's just precious! 

Today she put together her first sign-spoken word combo! She loves to sign "eat" when her speech therapist is here; whether she really wants to eat or not, she just loves sitting at the table with her. So, today during speech she suddenly popped up with the sign while simultaneously saying "ea'"! She's never even tried to say a word she knows how to sign before, and here she just throws it out there like it's nothing. Of course the word she chooses is "eat". ..I just love the irony that my child who wouldn't eat anything until recently and still doesn't on a lot of days, chose to emphasize the word "eat" with a sign and spoken word.. We adore our ST, and she loves Addie, so when Addie threw that combo out, she and I just looked at each other in awe and shock. I can't tell you how much I love that all of our therapists love our girl. There is nothing like celebrating her victories with them and our NICU family.

Also, during speech today our ST did Addie's latest evaluation, and, wait for it. ...big news. ..she tested real age appropriate for her receptive (understanding) speech!! Not adjusted age, not delayed by several months, but real.age.appropriate!!!!! We have never tested adjusted age appropriate for anything before, let alone real age. ..I was, and still am, absolutely giddy proud of our girl!! This is all her little brain working and making connections, so she gets all the credit, and I couldn't be happier. Really. Did I mention she tested real age appropriate?? Her expressive speech (speaking / signing) is still very much delayed at just 18 months, but that's ok! We are making progress, people. I know that she understands most of what we tell her, talk about with her, etc., but to have someone, an expert, tell us that she is understanding at a 2 year old level still thrills me to my core. I guess it's kind of like when we were towards the end of our NICU stay. ..you know you're getting closer to your goals, but you've been so far away for so long that you just keep your head down, not realizing you're there. So.Proud. 

I will end with our outdoor adventures. ..Addie is learning to love being outside! She will crawl on the carport and walk in the grass. She, however, will not crawl in the grass. Again, not that I blame her, as I was demonstrating how to do it and that it wasn't so bad, I decided she was probably right. It just feels scratchy! Unfortunately, I still need to push her to get more comfortable with touching the grass, so we took some pictures outside, and I tried to tempt her with the camera. No matter how far away I went or how close I put the camera, she just wouldn't budge off of the blanket. Sweet girl did her best to walk on her knees or to stand on her own, but she's just not quite there yet. I'm honestly just thrilled that we can go outside without tears now! 

Must.Not.Touch.Grass.

Happy Girl Outside!

I wanted to share all of this with you all in more detail than the usual updates. ..With her second birthday quickly approaching, I am feeling incredibly blessed that we are where we are. The odds were certainly not in our favor, but the odds can't factor in Addie's fighting spirit or our powerful God. Regardless of the mountains left to climb, we are blessed beyond measure. 

I love being a part of the preemie and special needs communities. I have met so many amazingly strong people through this journey, and I know that with each accomplishment we have, there are hundreds, even thousands, of other children who aren't reaching new milestones or whose ultimate milestones are those we have already met. Those children and their parents are my heroes, too. They get up every day and go through therapies, stretches, and other activities designed to help them reach their maximum potential, and they don't see the same results we see. They do them anyway, and they will do them again tomorrow and the next day because someday, they will see results. They give me the strength to keep pushing on the days and weeks and months when we don't see progress ourselves or when the mountains ahead of us seem too daunting. At the end of the day, every single day, we are blessed. We have so much to be thankful for on the best of days and on the worst of days. These days filled with hard work, stress, and not nearly enough sleep. ..these absolutely are the best days, and I am so thankful that I can be aware of that and try to savor them, to memorize them and record them before they are distant memories. Our life is so good. ..and our daughter is amazing.

Moms - you will get this. She is playing by herself. Beautiful, right??

Alas, mommy & daddy have a cleaning problem. ..and we're passing it on to our daughter. 

She is still obsessed with wiping things. This is how I found her, with no prompting, wiping her high chair down, while I did dishes. LOVE.