September 10 will always be bittersweet. ..Addie's due date - so far removed from her actual birthday in May - brings back remnants of the dream, the what-might-have-been's, the distant memory of a life when everything was easy, full of light, "normal" and not revolving around therapies, patching, hearing aids, doctors' appointments and tube feedings (what did I do with all that unscheduled time before?!) and when conversations weren't filled with medical terminology and discussions of diagnosis and prognosis.. .All I can see are ultrasound images of our beautiful baby girl who was so healthy until our life went sideways exactly 4 months before her due date.
Last September 10 was a beautiful early fall day, sunny with blue sky and a smattering of fluffy white clouds. ..I remember looking out at all it from Addie's bedside in the NICU and thinking that it would have been the perfect day to have a baby.. I think only a mother's heart can truly understand what today means to me. I had thought we might celebrate with another big birthday bash, but I think that at least this year I will just celebrate and dream quietly while Addie and I go through our Monday routine.
I'm so thankful for the blessings we have experienced because of Addie's early arrival and all the joy and meaning she has brought to our life, the many friends and new family that have come into our world, and the new appreciation I have for the little (big!!) things in life. She is absolutely perfect in my eyes, and I love the depth of character I see in her at such an early age. I just hate (HATE!!) how she has had to struggle and fight so hard for so long. ..
Happy birthday, sweet angel. ..may you always defy the odds and exceed expectations. Continue to write your own amazing story and to change lives. I will always, ALWAYS be by your side, carrying you whenever necessary, holding your hand when you will let me, and cheering you on constantly. You have overcome so much in your first year. ..I can't wait to see what you will do with the rest of your very long life.
Last September 10 was a beautiful early fall day, sunny with blue sky and a smattering of fluffy white clouds. ..I remember looking out at all it from Addie's bedside in the NICU and thinking that it would have been the perfect day to have a baby.. I think only a mother's heart can truly understand what today means to me. I had thought we might celebrate with another big birthday bash, but I think that at least this year I will just celebrate and dream quietly while Addie and I go through our Monday routine.
I'm so thankful for the blessings we have experienced because of Addie's early arrival and all the joy and meaning she has brought to our life, the many friends and new family that have come into our world, and the new appreciation I have for the little (big!!) things in life. She is absolutely perfect in my eyes, and I love the depth of character I see in her at such an early age. I just hate (HATE!!) how she has had to struggle and fight so hard for so long. ..
Happy birthday, sweet angel. ..may you always defy the odds and exceed expectations. Continue to write your own amazing story and to change lives. I will always, ALWAYS be by your side, carrying you whenever necessary, holding your hand when you will let me, and cheering you on constantly. You have overcome so much in your first year. ..I can't wait to see what you will do with the rest of your very long life.
I will close a poem that was in the breast pumping room in the NICU. I read it and thought of you with such wonder every single time I was in there. When you were very, very sick, I would sit in there and whisper it almost as a prayer through my tears. Your real birthday may not have been as peaceful as this sounds, but I can promise you, I knew that life would never, ever be the same, and I know with all my heart that the universe smiled because it knew how great you were.
"On the night you were born,
The moon smiled with such wonder
That the stars peeked in to see you
And the night wind whispered,
“Life will never be the same.”
"On the night you were born,
The moon smiled with such wonder
That the stars peeked in to see you
And the night wind whispered,
“Life will never be the same.”
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