Growing in Grace: Mother's Day 2013

I know I have been MIA, but it's been a busy month as you can imagine! Also, May is so chocked full of emotional moments / events that just when I was working on a post about one, something else came up, so I'm going to try to clean up some of those started but not finished posts the next several days. ..so, bear with me! Also, I've honestly struggled this year with what I want to share. Addie is doing amazingly well. We are so incredibly blessed. Unfortunately, I still struggle with the emotions of it all, and some of the events from 2011 are still so fresh because I relive them all too frequently. While I want to celebrate how far we've come and Addie's birthday, there are so many mixed emotions behind it all. I want to be honest and share all of that with you all in hopes that it will help those who come behind me on this journey (and it's cheaper than therapy!), but I don't want to seem ungrateful or like a Debbie Downer. *sigh* I'm ever the people pleaser, even when it comes to my own blog! I'm laughing at myself right now, you just can't see it through your computer or iphone screen. I've decided I still want to share most of the ups AND downs with you all. That was my commitment to this blog when I started, and I want to honor that goal even now, two years later. This is a real journey we are on, one with huge triumphs and still daily struggles.

Obviously the below was started in May, so just know that I'm not crazy. ..I know it's June now. :)

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I'm feeling extra, super-duper, wonderfully blessed this Mother's Day. Not that I didn't last Mother's Day, it was pretty awesome, too, but for whatever reason, I didn't get a blog in about last year. I guess another year out of the weeds of Addie's rocky start has given me a little bit more perspective and a little bit more rest so I can think about it coherently.

It's been a wonderful day filled with sweet cards from Philip, Addie, my mom and my sister-friend Jenny, lots of texts from friends and family, and a morning to sleep in and be lazy thanks to Philip. He and Addie bought a new diaper bag for me to use now that we'll be getting out a bit more. The one I've been using was bought in a hurry out of necessity and is more than a little worse for the wear and tear of all of our doctors' visits and what not the last 2 years. That man definitely knows the way to this mama's heart. ..sleep, coffee, and a day of nothingness, relaxing at the house with my family. All of those except the coffee are a huge sacrifice on his part since he was up late with me, trying to get Addie to sleep (she apparently stopped believing in sleep when she turned 23 months), and then got up early with her this morning. A day of nothingness is a dream come true for me. ..and maybe slightly torturous for him since it's sunny and nice out, and he simply doesn't sit still well. So, staying in and just relaxing with me and Addie is probably making him a little bonkers right now. ..but it also means that much more to me. I know it doesn't make much sense, but a day to just enjoy my family, all of us home at the same time, golf on in the background, and the sun shining in the windows is a little slice of heaven. No work to juggle, no where to be, nothing fancy or complicated, and lots of time to just be with my little family is pure perfection to me.

Maybe it's my experience with having Addie and getting her to this point or maybe it's simply a byproduct of being a mommy in general, but I can't help but feel so incredibly blessed. Addie is here, she's healthy, and she's growing and developing by leaps and bounds. She's absolutely beautiful and leaves me speechless countless times every single day. Her will to survive, her joyful spirit, her determination to be the best she can be every moment, her smiles in the midst of patching, hearing aids and braces. ..I absolutely hit the jackpot with this child. So, really, this Mother's Day and always, I think that I am the one who should be honoring and celebrating her. She is the champion in this mommy-daughter duo; I'm just blessed to play a supporting role. I am a better person because I am her mama. I am stronger, more disciplined, and more tender hearted because she is in my life now.

I'm off to enjoy my family some more now, but to all of the mommies out there - whether your babies are here or in heaven or both - I wish you a very happy Mother's Day.