Hello, Spring!!

Spring has sprung!! It is April and there is no more fear that a random cold front will bring in a March or April snow. We made it!!!!!! I didn't know if we could make it through the winter without getting sick, catching RSV or the flu, but by the grace of God we made it! Goodness knows He showed mercy on us and let Spring come early this year, and I am forever greatful. Our pulmonologist says he doesn't count virus season over until Mother's Day, so our guard is still up and our adventures out are still basically nonexistant. We did spend Easter with both sets of grandparents together in the house with Addie for the first time, and we had dinner with some friends one evening. Everyone has been so supportive and understanding when they do come over, and they are more than willing to humor my germ obsession by showering right before they come over, leaving their shoes at the door, and washing their hands one last time when they get in the door before getting near Addie. I know I can stand to relax a little more, and I know that will come with time. Until then, I am thankful our friends and family understand.

Since my last post, I am thankful to say that things have been pretty status quo. We have primarily been focused on getting little miss to eat more solids (not so much luck there), rebuilding her upper body strength, and stretching her neck out. Our new major goal is to get her sitting on her own. We have so far to go!!! She just doesn't have the trunk strength to keep herself upright yet without slinking down on the left or right, and she still responds to stress by arching her back and that results in flinging herself backwards when we're trying to get her to sit. ..not a good combo. So, we're working on it several times a day. She does seem to enjoy the change in scenery from laying on her back, which is progress in and of itself. She's regained a lot of strength thanks to a couple of activity times in her Bumbo seat each day and exercises where I pull her up from her back to a sitting position. She hates the neck stretches, but unfortunately therapy just isn't always fun. We did learn a great lesson this month. She works better in the morning. Her OT time got moved to the afternoon 2 weeks in a row, and neither visit was productive. We moved her time back to first thing in the morning, and she performed like a champ!

We are about to transition to different therapists, and we will be moving some of her therapies out of the house and to the rehab center. Please be praying for me and for Addie. We have built great relationships with our current OT, Holly, and our speech therapist. They have been with us since we came home, and we are going to miss them so, so much. Holly has been so great to work with, and Addie especially loves her, even if she makes her do a lot of things she doesn't want to do. Combine new therapists with going out of the house to the rehab center multiple days a week, and that's a good deal of stress on both of us for the next little while. I guess this will continue to help her grow and develop, and it will help me grow into being more comfortable getting out of the house. We will both have some growing pains at the end of the day.

One thing worth noting is that I quit pumping on March 30, exactly 10 months after I started pumping milk for Addie. I didn't plan it that way, but it is neat that the timing worked out like that. Pumping has been a long, arduous journey for me, but I have to admit, it was hard to let it go. I guess I had to fight so hard to get my milk supply started that I felt like a bulldog holding onto it, even when I was barely getting anything those last few weeks. Even tonight, when I sat down to work on the blog while Philip feeds Addie her 10:30 "midnight snack", I started to reach over to look for my pump in the floor. It was such a part of my life every 2 - 3 hours, every day, for nearly 10 months. Pumping gave me a chance to let down my brave face when we were in the NICU. I would go into the breastfeeding room to pump, and I would spend the majority of those 30 minutes crying and praying, begging God to please save my baby and to give me strength so I could spend the next 3 hours by Addie's side until I had to pump again. I "ran away" to that pumping room when I found out about Addie's brain bleed. I ducked in there again when I found out she had pseudomonis sepsis and was fighting even harder for her life. I went in to pump after we took Addie up for all 4 of her surgeries. It was nice to have a reason to escape for a few minutes to collect my thoughts before heading out to wait with family and friends; it was a time to pray, cry, and get ready to put my brave face back on. I honestly think God let my milk come in for my sake as much as Addie's. Pumping gave me a purpose, a reason to eat and drink when I couldn't stand the sight of food, a reason to fight for my own health when I only cared about Addie, and it gave me one less thing to feel guilty about when it came to Addie's health. I may not have been able to carry her to term, or even the 3rd trimester, but by gum, I was going to pump as long as there was a milliliter to be had. Once she came home, it became harder and harder to stick to my pumping schedule as her schedule became more and more demanding and filled with therapies and doctor's appointments, but I did my best. In the end, I was getting so little milk compared to how much she was being fed that I could help her more by spending the time I was dedicating to pumping with her. So, after putting up my pumping supplies several times only to pull them back out and pump another day or two, I finally packed them up for the last time, took a few pictures of Addie with our pump, and put the pump in the car to be returned. It's silly, I know, but I shed a few tears because I was sad to be saying good bye to one of my constants from the last year. I'm so thankful that God chose to work a miracle in my life and allowed me to pump this long. He knew how much I needed to be able to do this.

Well, my sweet family is asleep, and I hope to be soon, too. Good night! I will leave you with a few Addie pictures to wrap up this post.

Good-bye, Old Friend!!

We found our feet last month and are still obsessed.