My Life..

.. Is so amazingly GREAT! I know I talk a lot about our struggles (we've had plenty and will continue to have them), and I do that because I genuinely have struggled with all of the "bad" things that have happened to us and to Addie, fought to accept our new life, and still ache to the depths of my soul when I see Addie struggling to do something that other children half her age are just naturally able to do. I firmly believe in putting a brave, public face forward, but I also know how alone I have felt in the struggling, thinking something was wrong with me. It seems like everyone else who faces challenges similar to or even worse than ours just cruise right on, adapt, and keep moving forward. Some prove to be super mom's with an insane ability to keep their house pin neat, help their child(ren) with their therapies and exercises, maintain an amazing (stronger than ever before!) relationship with their spouse, and look adorable doing it. Their kids are thriving and improving. I struggle to juggle it all even now.. And I do NOT look cute doing it. I will make a confession.. Just between you and me.. I didn't even get my face washed one day last week until my shower at 11 pm. I did wipe it off with one of those cleansing towelettes around noon.. I used to wash my face religiously and always put on at least mascara and concealer.. Oh how i need at least some concealer! Poor Philip.. I (think!) promise I will find time to try to be cute (and tan!) again someday soonish. Anywho, I'm still a "special needs" mom-in-training I guess.

All of that is to say, I'm trying to be as real, open book, and honest as I can be so that someone else out there who may be struggling as much as I am won't feel so alone. BUT, that being said.. My life is pretty amazing! It's hard, but full of wonderful moments!

I actually feel a little bad for parents of kids who follow the "What to Expect" manuals pretty closely (well, a lot of the time I feel bad for them, but there are still a few moments when I look at Addie and can't help but imagine how much easier her life would be if she did follow the manual..). Every parent knows their kids are exceptional, but you don't get to see just how exceptional and how amazing God's design is like I do. One example, Addie can now raise her arms up over her head.. She couldn't do that 3 months ago! We have stretched and stretched and she has screamed at me and cried and thrown countless ugly looks my way, but now, she just casually lays around rubbing her hands in her hair. Every time I see that I just stop, smile and shed the occasional proud tear.. We worked so dang hard for that!

Other moments are so perfect.. Bath time is my new favorite! Addie and I have a routine, and you know I love nothing more than a routine. Addie loves her tub and her froggy bath toys. She's just learning to kick and splash (cautiously, we're still working on balance), and it's so fun to watch her. Two months ago she wouldn't let her hands go under, but now she props herself up with one and is reaching away for her frogs or her ducky with the other. Once we're done, we dry off quickly (I have about 30 seconds to get her booty dry and a diaper on before she pees everywhere.. It happens without fail, every time), and then she and I dance to "The Good Life" by One Republic (that's been the theme song for Addie's life since she was born and the song came out) before I put her pj's on. I'm a goober and cry every other bath or so because life is just so darn good. Those moments of smiling, pink, sweet smelling baby, coupled with a good song that I can remember singing in the car through sad tears driving back and forth to the hospital.. I know that I will never, ever forget these priceless moments. She's simply my sweet angel in those moments and we can play guilt free and without a purpose.. We're not doing therapy, I'm not worrying over her head or anything else.. We're just like any other mommy and daughter having a dance party. I love the normalness of it all.

So, I'm just going to focus on those beautiful moments and the many, many blessings in our life. We still have our challenges, lack of sleep, social awkwardness (in my and Addie's cases, P is still our wonderful, normal, social butterfly), our struggles and fears, so if you're reading this and you're struggling, please don't think you are alone or weak.. I'm right there with you. But, for now, I have so much to celebrate and be overjoyed about that I am just going to focus on that.